“Kate, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“Well I’d like to work too many hours for someone else, not get enough pay, come home and cook and clean up after other people, fork out money to strangers so I can turn on a frigging light, get up 47 times a night to tiny crying human, have in depth conversations about poop and vomit, watch my body slowly expand and in parts, descend closer to ground level; clap at someone else walking (nobody claps when I do it!), wipe up explosions of shit coloured smashed up vegetables from every single surface of my house, sing along to Hot Potato-Hot Potato (well after the kids have gone down for their nap), stress out about money every day, make regular trips to the doctors and hospitals and not even be offered the lollypop for my efforts, not ever be able to pee alone, develop supersonic hearing, ninja skills, and the ability to eat a piece of 4 hour old toast while spraying shampoo in a can in my filthy birds nest of hair and talking on the phone to Barry from Bangaldesh who’s telling me there’s something wrong with the PC I don’t even own and bathing a child who has done a enough liquid shit to fill a blow up pool.”
THAT. That’s is what I want to be when I grow up. Oh I can’t wait…………….
Now while I have trouble remembering my kids names nowadays, I don’t ever, ever recall saying that.
Let’s face it, adulting is hard. Being all responsible for ourselves and other people is unrelenting and thankless. And in most cases, because we’re suckers for punishment, we wouldn’t change a thing.
Throw a divorce into the mix and figuring out how to begin again, on your own, is an education. I didn’t get a certificate or a graduation ceremony for my efforts but I’ve definitely learnt some stuff about myself, my kids, other people, gardening and life itself.
Don’t get me wrong, I still stuff up a multitude of things on a regular basis and my kids and I get the shits with each other most of every day but I figured hey, why not share some tips, stories and lessons (and have a big laugh) on how to navigate through it all without turning into the crazy cat lady who wears pj’s all day and eats cake for breakfast while plotting the downfall of her ex.
Stay tuned, shits about to get real…..
PS. Thanks to Em from Have a Laugh on Me for the idea that my crazy shit may be interesting to other people x