The sleep talker


Way back when, I used to think it was a little bit cute when the boys would mumble something in their sleep. I’d even hear the occasional giggle and wonder what on earth babies dream about.

Now that they’re a little older, it’s just creepy. And they’ve added sleep walking into the mix just for fun.

Last night, I was lying in bed watching an extremely informative documentary. Ok it was NCIS but whatever. Anyway, I sleepily turned over and was met with my littlest mister’s face, about 3 inches from mine, just staring at me. After dropping an F-bomb and double checking I hadn’t soiled myself, I asked him what was wrong. He then proceeded to inform me that a robot had hit him in the head.

Okey dokey.

I quickly realised he wasn’t awake. I asked him if the robot had gone, which it had, and if he wanted to go back to bed, which he did. Damn robots.

There have been a few times now where I’ve been woken in the middle of the night to the cries of my eldest shouting “stop it, get out of my room”. It’s such a pretty sight seeing me launch from my bed, half asleep, kicking a toe, swearing, grabbing my meat mallet (I’m big on security here), and running blindly down the hall to tenderise the bajeezus out of the person lurking in his bedroom.

There’s never anyone there. Sometimes I want to give him a pinch for waking me up.

Apparently sleep talking and sleep walking is completely normal. Annoying. But normal. Weird. But totally a-ok. It can increase when they’re excited or worried about something but other than that there’s nothing to really be concerned about……Except for the crazy lady running down the hall with wild hair and a meat mallet.

They also say that sleep walking can run in the family. I blame their father. He was known to say and do a bunch of bizarre shite at all hours of the night.

The sleep walking really creeps me out. That blank expression and vacant stare, the weird shit they say, only to never remember any of it the morning. And then when you try and remind them about it they look at you like YOU’RE the odd one?!

Not long ago I found my eldest standing on the stairs repeatedly and desperately asking me for “the thing”. What bloody thing??? I had no idea what the thing was and he couldn’t tell me, but he needed it and he had to have it and was asking for it over and over again. I gently told him I’d get “the thing” in the morning and that he should back to bed. He turned his tiny zombie butt around and went back to sleep.


Do you have a sleep walker or talker?

K xx


2 thoughts on “The sleep talker

  1. Things are way to similar, must be the 2 boy thing!! Also must
    My youngest has great conversations with himself, usually while in bed but sometimes he comes running out announcing something and needs to be rescued as his walking abilities are not so great (more like sleep stumbling) as he’s been known to crash into walls.
    My oldest has tried in the past to combine sleep walking with going to the toilet!! Many a time I’ve had to stop him from using the corner of the spare room or the hall cupboard. Luckily their sleep adventures coincide with my insomnia but I too confess to letting some choice words fly when they have startled me. Apparently I was a sleep talker so I guess its from me but I do think its more likely where they are troubled so just other thing I have the ex to thanks for.

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