When I found out my second bub was going to be another mister, I’ll admit I briefly thought that it would have been nice to have one of each. Now that I have both my boys, I couldn’t be happier and love that this is how things have worked out.
Having two boys is a constant jumble of loud, funny, sweet, messy love. But there’s a few things you really need to be ok with when you have boys. Things you probably would never have thought you’d need to be ok with, or ever wanted to.
- Get used to the toilet situation. It doesn’t matter how much training, targets, ping pong balls, apps or books you use when trying to teach them how to aim into a big bowl. Most of the time they’ll miss and most of the time they’ll just leave their pee wherever it lands, for you to clean up. Get used to having to clean walls and floors a lot. Oh and get used to being half asleep and going to the toilet only to realise they’ve left you a gift on the seat, when it’s too late.
- They’ll touch it all the time. Not a day goes by that I don’t have to utter the words “leave it alone”. Unfortunately, it would seem they never, ever, ever grow out of having to check their boys parts are still there. Half the time, my eldest doesn’t even realise he’s hanging onto it, like it’s the most casual thing in the world or something. I’m fairly sure they’d have an issue with mummy walking around holding a boob though.
- Don’t like sport or cars or lego. Tough. You have to get use to liking it and watching and playing and listening and building and kicking and throwing. Oh and practice the shit out of your car noises because you will be told when they’re not good enough.
- Craft. I suck at it. I hate the mess, and play dough and glitter are my enemy. The inventors of both need a punch in the neck. But they love it. So you do it. And whoever has a laugh at your expense receives a coffee cup made out of feathers and ice cream sticks for their birthday. There is an upside.
- They’ll be equal parts mesmerised/horrified by your bits. You’ll get given questions and comments like “where is your doodle?”, “did it fall off”, “where does your wees come out”, “how come you have boobs”, “are these my boobs” and more. You need to think quickly to be able to give them enough of an answer that they will find suitable.
- Superheroes. You need to learn all the names, powers, movies and stories. All of them. You may also be required to partake in a bit of role play with the figurines. Note: apparently it is not ok to rename them Bazza, Gazza and Larry. They don’t like that.
- Shoes. Take at least half your weekly wage and put it in a sock under you bed, every week, and hopefully this will be enough monies to pay for all the shoes they will scuff, lose, trash, rip and draw on.
- Bumps and grazes. They will happen. A lot. My eldest is a little more cautious and tends to think things through a little more. Not so much with the youngest. If he can jump off it, throw it, leap or run at it, no matter the height or glass shard and gravel ridden landing patch, he’ll do it. The emergency room at the hospital isn’t such a bad place after a while, if you look pathetic enough they’ll get you free coffee.
- Baby wipes are your BFF, no matter how old the misters are. It doesn’t matter how much care you take, the boys will constantly somehow have paint in their ears, chocolate up their nose and textas up both arms. I have packets of wipes crop dusted all over the house, in my bags and in the car. You need them always. I also clean my house with them…..
- They love their mummas. And it’s just the best thing. Get ready for a bucket load of hugs. Just be ok with the fart jokes and snotty hands that come with it.
What’s something you’ve had to get used to with boys?