It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost two whole years since my marriage ended. The actual divorce was only recently finalised but I’ve been doing the solo mama thing for 600 and something something days (calculator/brain broken). And we’ve done pretty well, if I do say so myself.
I’m constantly asked “are you seeing anyone” or “when are you going to get back out there”, to which I reply “nope” and “back out where?”. I have a bajillion excuses – I’m not ready, I don’t want to, I hate shaving, I’m putting my boys first, I don’t have time, it’s too hot to wear my giant elasticky sucker-inner pants/unitard thingos. And all are very valid points. I’m not sure I am ready, I’m not sure I really want to see anyone, shaving all the time is inconvenient, I am trying to put the boys first, I only have two whole free days a month, and it IS too hot to wear the undergarments that make me look/feel like a sausage.
I guess the boys and I have gotten into our own rhythm. They’re doing ok, I’m doing ok and we’re pretty happy with the way things are. We have our own date nights and special outings and routines. I thoroughly (understatement) enjoy the quiet time after the boys are in bed. Where is there room for someone else?
Then I got to thinking (which I really should limit). Maybe these are all just more excuses to cover the real reason I’m not “looking”. My marriage was hard (another understatement). I came out of it with almost no self esteem, I was completely and utterly emotionally burnt out, I was sad, I was angry and I was so crushingly, bone achingly hurt. It was a soul destroying experience and I can honestly say that I was broken. There are still, 2 years free, days that I still feel a little broken. Nobody wants to feel that way but I truly could not imagine having to go through another situation like that. So that is maybe, possibly, kinda sorta why I’ve been avoiding it.
In a moment of craziness (perhaps the elastic unitard I was wearing cut off the circulation to my brain), I signed myself up to a dating website. I know people who have met their perfect partners on the website, so I figured “maybe this works”.
I’m starting to wonder what the H I was thinking.
Yes, it has only been a couple of weeks. And yes I am quite possibly THE most impatient person. But seriously.
If you’re not familiar with the workings of this dating website, you are asked a bunch of questions at the beginning that help them find your “match”. Then, each day they’ll send you a list of people they have found that are good matches based on your responses.
I think their “matching” system or Dexter the Perfect Match Robot, or whatever they use, is broken.
Firstly, I may still be a little 50/50 about this whole dating bizzo but I would still like to be matched with people in my STATE. Dear dating website matchy people, are you trying to tell this single gal “Hey Kate, there is NOBODY in the whole of Queensland for you, so how about chatting to Wally from South Australia”. No.
Secondly, I am no Victoria’s Secret Supermodel. Looks are not everything. I understand this. Dear dating website matchy people, are you aware that some of the profile pictures you are sending me should be accompanied with a Crime Stoppers voice over stating “Have you seen this man? He recently held up a petrol station, stole a moped and is on the run with a carton of Winnie Reds and an Ice Breaker coffee milk, red checkered flannie flapping in the wind”. No.
Thirdly, one of the questions we all have to answer is about naming 5 things you cannot live without. Dear dating website matchy people, please pass on that if the person answering cannot think of anything other that “air, water, food, shelter and I can’t think of number 5”, they are not my match. No.
Fourthly (not a word is it?), we have to list three things we are most passionate about. Dear dating website matchy people, I do love “special cuddles” as much as the next person, but “sex” is not the correct answer for this particular question.
Eighty ninth, one of the optional questions relates to the last book you read. Dear dating website matchy people, “I don’t do reeding” was one of the answers. No. Just no.
Eleventy nine (I’m over counting), I do not love being in photos. Anyone who knows me is completely aware of this and if they scroll through their photos (or if they’re from the olden days, flick through an actual album) they’ll see a whole bunch of photos of me giving the finger or poking my tongue out. Having said that, posting a profile picture of yourself wearing nothing but your boxer shorts trying to take a selfie in the bathroom mirror….no.
There’s also that fear of rejection. I was “chatting” to one guy who seemed normal, and then he disappeared. Something I said?
I’ll stick with it. For now. After all, where else do you meet guys nowadays? I’m so out of touch.
Wish me luck,